Log: Updated March 15, 2014
Our prospects last year at this time looked so promising. Yet only a few weeks after last spring's entry, Tracy's brain scan revealed the cancer had come back, with a vengeance. The tiny area that had been treated with radiation was clear, but there were now cancer sites all through the linings of his ventricles, the fluid-filled spaces that bathe the brain with cerebrospinal fluid. Which means, the cancer cells were now able to hitch a ride pretty much anywhere they wanted to go.
So, being cancer cells, they did. Wreaked havoc. All through his brain. Which shut down a lot of his body, too.
We had hope for a few weeks, when his doctor read an MRI as indicating something other than cancer, but that turned out to be a false hope, and by the time we got back to treating the cancer, too much damage had been done. After a brutal chemo treatment and another brain surgery, his body just gave out.
No one fought harder than Tracy did. But when the final trajectory was clear, when there was no hope that anything the doctors could do would lead to a return to health, Tracy was as brave going forward into the unknown as he was brave in fighting to stay with us.
It's been seven months since we lost him. I still talk to him every day, still cry most days a little bit, some days more than a little.
But Tracy and I had some time to plan for this, too. And he gave me this advice: "Don't live your life in the past. There is still a great big world out there to explore." Remember why we started this? Well, it's still true.
Thank you to all who followed our travels and read our Ship's Logs. Our journey was brighter because of you.
Fair winds and following seas,